Hello World! You knew I'd make an appearance for Thanksgiving, right? I may be sleep deprived. I may forget things. I may even not respond to a text message for hours, or days, or ever, but I am grateful.
My favorite stores haven't seen me in a long time. My old haunts have probably forgotten about me by now. I can't tell you the last time my hair and face looked presentable. Most of my friends have probably given up on me by now, but I'm grateful.
I've, somehow, acquired a little (adorable) monster who gives me a hard time daily. He sucks every ounce of energy out of my body and I couldn't tell you the last time I slept sound enough to remember my dream. This monster screams and throws a hissy fit whenever anything, other than pee, is going on in his diaper and he gets quite rude when he's hungry. But this monster greets me with laughter and a smile every morning. (After he's farted, of course. He's such a boy.) He loves to snuggle up to me when he's sleeping and he finds some peace when he is holding my hand. And for this little monster, I couldn't be any more grateful.
His existence gives meaning to mine. His simple ways have taught me to let go of things that are complicated. I've returned to my peaceful self and let go of things in the past that were negative. I'm trying every day to not let my opinions and feelings on people or subjects influence Lennon's opinions and feelings, although we do spend quite a bit of time watching 90210 in the mornings - for these things I am also extremely grateful.
Perhaps I am distant and missing. I suppose I have flown off of the radar a bit. I imagine that I do seem rude because I don't really get back to anyone in a timely manner. I'm sure I seem too busy to many people but I assure you that is because I do not, under any circumstances, want to ever seem too busy for my little monster. The moments are flying by and sometimes I am not strong enough to enjoy them. I may have to watch from the sidelines but I don't want Lennon to ever have a memory of me being glued to my phone or other electronic device and appearing to not have interest in him.
Well, on with the show!
On this wonderful Thanksgiving Thankful Thursday I find myself feeling grateful for...
The Beatles' "Let It Be" - Oh, yes, I have been grateful for and written about the Fab Four before today but the passing of time, and countless hours of sleep deprivation, have given me the wonderful opportunity to reflect on things. Now, I can tell you that out of every song in the Universe, it's this one to take to heart. Once upon a time this time of year would make me so sad. From mid-September to Christmas night I would have an unbelievable heartache. To no avail, I would listen to this song and many others as a way to soothe my soul. Now looking back as my heart has healed and I've come to terms with many sorts of relationships that have flatlined, I've realized those fools knew what they were talking about. It has taken me the better part of seven years, over 12,000 miles of traveling, failed attempts, falling in love again, and the surprise of a lifetime to realize that sometimes you simply must let things be. Put them in the corner of your heart for a while or set them on the shelf of your soul and let time take care of it. It took a while for me to get "it." Once I did, everything started to fall into place - like meeting the spider exterminator, who I would end up tricking into falling in love with me, and then this handsome, handsome baby came along. I'm thankful for the advice that those Beatles gave to me. I have my love and I have my Pippers, and, as Kenny Chesney says, "I've never wanted nothing more."
My New Found Ability to Fall Asleep - There was a time that it would take me hours upon hours to fall asleep. Times, they are a changin'! Now I can fall asleep nearly anywhere in any position! I've even learned how to fall asleep before I actually close my mouth and I get to wake up in a pile of drool! I am so talented that I fall asleep while Lennon is nursing and, AND, I do not fall over onto the bed or couch. Phew! If I knew being a mama would enable me to sleep like this I would have done it a lifetime ago! For real though, I suddenly can fall asleep in two minutes rather than two hours, which is great because Lennon naps, occasionally, for two hours and so do I!
My Help - You know what's harder than being a mom? Being a single mom. What's harder than that? Being a single mom with a freakin' disability. (Sorry, if I dropped a bombshell on you!) So I have my mom, my dad, and Krissy who play the role of daddy (and sometimes mommy) on a daily basis to make up for the things that I cannot do or that Dann would be doing. It's a team and I'm incredibly grateful for that.
My Lennon Bug - He may be a monster and he may poop in his pants and cry when he's trying to fart but let me tell you this: I've never ever felt luckier, more humble, or more grateful for anything in my entire life. I am more grateful for him than I am for my own existence, than for the air that I breathe. One day things will get better. I will get all of my strength back and I will be able to do more things for him but for now I literally get to lay around with him all day. We talk and laugh. We play and we cry. So yeah, I've pretty much dropped off the face of the earth to most of you. But I remember in the hospital, after he was born, when the doctor came in and told us that he may have a heart murmur, then it was that his skull may not be right and he may need surgery, and then the stubborn gosh darn jaundice when he had to sleep in the UV crib, which resembled a NICU bed and he had to wear an eye mask (that's when I finally cried), and all I wanted to do is hold him or, even better, switch places with him. I remember those few days in the hospital and the moments before I was knocked out before the surgery. I knew then I'd give my life for him, so my social life doesn't seem like a huge loss. He's changed my whole outlook on life and the Universe. I am already trying to be a better person because of him. I know no love like this love and I cannot be any more grateful than I am for the little boy squirming around next to me.
Happy Thanksgiving!
What are you thankful for?
