I can remember long days with a fussy newborn, a wandering eighteen month old, a wild two year old, and curious three year old, who was FULL of wanderlust. I can also remember counting the days until your first day of preschool started. Now, it's quickly approaching and I still haven't figure out how to slow time down.
For the better part of four years, we've been kicking it together. Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. I have become your partner in crime, the one your tell your stories to, your best friend. Watching you slump out of bed and pour yourself breakfast is just as awing as the first time that I heard you laugh. Getting to watch the same episode of your favorite show for the one hundredth time is something I am no longer growing sick of. Cuddling up on the couch on rainy afternoons and listening to your big plans has become one of my favorite pastimes.
I often worry if I set you back by keeping you with me instead of sending you to a daycare a few days a week. But I knew no one would be able to love your sweet little mind like I can, as with any child. So when your mimi looked me in the eye and said, "if you can find a way to stay at home with that little baby... that's the most important job you can ever have." But now, what a different routine you're going to have! It's been all you all the time & I'm hoping that won't bite us in the butt! I hope I've done well for the last four years, even on days that I was just "okay." Even as I am writing this, I know you are going to thrive and I have no reason to worry, but a mom is a mom is a mom.
No one has probably noticed, but I haven't whispered a word of excitement about preschool in weeks. I know that the very first day is when time will speed up and we will begin to be consumed by homework, practices, after-school clubs, book reports, research papers, presentations, school dances, proms, graduation, and suddenly you will be in college! All the while I'll still be trying to catch my breath from watching you walk into your first day of preschool. It will seem long at times, but these next years will be the shortest years of my life, but hopefully most fun for you.
There is a ginormous ball in my chest mixed of fear, joy, and hope. I fear for your exposure to a world that is not always kind and doesn't always care to hear your dinosaur stories. That other children will be unkind to you, or that you will be unkind to others. I am so full of joy for everything you are going to learn. Learning new things is so exciting and to finally be able to let you go and do that is absolutely wonderful! And the hope. The hope is what gets me. I hope that you always greet people with the same kindness and smile that you wear around your home and family. I hope that you always overcome obstacles like that first day you figured out how to climb the kitchen chair to get those chocolate chip cookies. I hope that you stay silly and full of wonder and excitement. I hope and pray that you know you can tell me how scary you thought preschool was the very first day. Or that you'll tell me how great school was and you can't wait to go back. I hope that the you in seventh grade can tell me that you have failed an algebra exam, and, my heavens, in your senior year you can come to me with excitement that you are being accepted to a university on the other side of the world. I hope that your eyes can hold the same excitement over little things, even though the little things might change into bigger things.
To quote the great author, Dr. Seuss, "you have brains in your head, and feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose." I hope that you love school and learning as much as I did, and still do! You have a beautiful opportunity in each day, and I am so, so excited to watch you grow and learn. I know your teachers are fabulous I already know you have gym and music class in your first day. You are going to LOVE music class. Your big little heart loves to sing. Oh, I'm ready to burst with excitement.
But for now, I am that mom that is sobbing on the inside as her little boy takes his first step to being an independent thinker, a scholar, a doer of all the things, and a wonderfully kind and compassionate human being. And for now, your little heart and mind do not realize this, but YOU are the one that I tell MY stories to; YOU are MY sidekick. YOU, my sweet boy, have wiggled your way into being my best friend. This was by far the best twenty four hours a day, seven days a week gig I could have ever dreamed of and I am the luckiest.
xoxo.
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